Something I wrote about chickens in 2009…
Accidents were never meant to happen. He closed his fist and threw the pages into the corridor. What happened next would have astounded many. Tiny door-shaped fingers up from beneath the tiles, prying them apart to meet his feet. Quite a special coincidence, he pondered. At that moment, and without a second’s delay, nothing happened. This frightened our poor little man. Tears leapt onto his jacket and trickled to the ground forming a small puddle, almost like blood, except it wasn’t blood. Was it blood? He checked it, to ascertain whether or not it was blood. No. It was not blood.
The thought dawned on him like a chicken being punched out of a six storey window in the middle of the night. It couldn’t possibly have been blood for a number of quite sensible reasons. Firstly, it was Tuesday. Fourthly, as far as he was aware, he had given all of his blood to the bank the day previous to this one, this day that is now, today. The following event made no sense to him whatever, despite the perceived clarity and earnestness of the seagull’s plight. In he flew, astonishing and painted silver, with what appeared to be miniature horses strapped to his wings. He cast a wry smile across the situation, and purported, “You are a ridiculous waste of a man. Put down the knife.”
"I Lost My Cellphone In Your Vagina"
Definitely NSFW, but absolutely cringeworthy and hilarious all at the same time.
